The Leadership Blind Spot: Why Safety Starts With You

READ Time - 4 minutes

"I want my team to feel safe speaking up. I want them to know they can come to me with anything."

The healthcare leader leaned forward earnestly as she said this. Then she paused, a look of recognition crossing her face: "But if I'm honest, I don't feel safe speaking up myself. I apologize and back down to keep the peace, even when I know I have something important that needs to be said."

Here's what most leadership training misses: We can't create for others what we haven't found in ourselves. Sure, you know this intellectually - it's Leadership 101. That's exactly why leaders who feel afraid or hesitant to speak up try to hide it. We end up feeling like imposters, carrying this secret shame about not embodying what we're trying to create.

But what if this dynamic isn't a failure at all? What if it's the breakthrough you've been struggling to find? I call this the "Conversation that has no Words." And it's the one your life and leadership are having with you all the time—when you listen. This systemic conversation is trying to show you how to free yourself and create the systemic ripple effect in your leadership and life you've always wanted.

In this week's Safe Space Made Simple podcast, my conversation with Fairouz revealed why most attempts to build "psychological safety" in healthcare fail - and the counterintuitive path to transforming it.

What Leaders Usually Do (And Why It Backfires)

Think about the last time you had two units in conflict - like those charge nurses trying to manage patient flow. Here's what typically unfolds:

Each unit defends its position ("I don't have any space!") Neither side feels heard or understood Everyone listens just to reply, not to understand Each person believes they're absolutely right The harder everyone pushes, the worse it gets

And soon you find yourself trying the standard leadership playbook:

• Moving people to different shifts (which spreads the problem)
• Enforcing stricter policies (driving issues underground)
• Holding more meetings (adding stress to people)
• Progressive discipline (creating resistance)

But here's what's fascinating: These solutions make things worse because they skip the most crucial step - your own internal systemic safety.

The Hidden Intelligence in Your Resistance

When leaders try to do all the "right" leadership things, they miss the emerging solutions inside them.

"I noticed myself leaning back," Fairouz shared, "allowing space between us and not feeling like I need to be anything different." Then, as she listened to her system's intelligence, something profound emerged: "You are important. What you have to say is important."

This wasn't just an intellectual insight - it was system intelligence breaking through that initially felt like resistance that needed to be fixed or avoided.

This is common. 

A Personal Perspective: The Conversation Without Words

Let me clean this up while maintaining its powerful personal authenticity:

I face this lesson constantly, and so do you if you listen for it. It comes and invites us to go deeper, but rarely feels like an invitation. Instead, it feels terrifying, rage-producing - like the last thing in the world you want to pay attention to or spend time with.

Like when I had to face my daughter Mikayla's diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder and how it shattered all my hopes and dreams, inviting me into a relationship with her that was about her, not me. Or when I navigated my daughter Sara's journey with addiction and recovery, where my terror needed to transform into compassionate parenting that could learn to let go. Or watching my daughter Christiane and granddaughter Halo navigate COVID and ICUs, so my relationship with my post-traumatic disorder and anxiety could turn into advocacy and deeper appreciation.

Each situation has asked me to find safety first in myself before I could hold space for others. The breakthrough never comes from forcing solutions. It comes from learning to trust what our systems are trying to tell us.

Why Our Bodies Know First

Dr. Stephen Porges' research shows we have an onboard scanning system constantly looking for signs of threat or safety called Neuroception. This isn't just psychology - it's neurobiology. Your body knows the truth about your environment long before your metrics show it.

When leaders learn to tune into this intelligence:

• Real psychological safety emerges naturally.
• Teams start solving their own problems.
• Innovation flows without forcing it.
• People choose to stay and grow.

The Practice That Changes Everything

Here's what Fairouz discovered works better than any leadership initiative:

1. Start with Your Own System:

• Plant your feet firmly on the ground...
• Take three deep breaths into your belly...
• Put your hand on your belly when you feel anxiety...
• Listen to what your body's trying to tell you by simply asking...

2. Move at the Speed of Presence:

• Stop trying to fix everything immediately.
• Let go of controlling the outcomes.
• Trust that solutions will emerge.
• Stay with what's happening.

3. Transform Your Response:

• Notice when you're pushing against resistance
• Ask "What's important here?"
• Listen for the wisdom trying to emerge
• Trust your system's intelligence

What? So What? Now What?

What: Your leadership anxiety isn't a weakness - it's intelligence trying to emerge.

So What: Fighting this intelligence creates exactly what you're trying to avoid and it's exhausting.

Now What: Start with yourself:

• Honour your system's signals.
• Move at the speed of your presence.
• Trust that safety will emerge naturally.
• Let your transformation ripple out slowly.

Your Next Breakthrough

That resistance you feel? It's not holding you back - it's trying to set you free. That team dynamic you're struggling with? It's inviting you into a deeper conversation with yourself first.

Ready to discover how to create real safety for yourself and your team? Book a confidential 30-minute System Reset Session where we'll:

• Transform your relationship with resistance
• Decode your system's intelligence
• Create sustainable team safety
• You naturally lead systemically 

[Book Your System Reset Session Now]

Helping healthcare leaders reclaim their presence, purpose, and power—one leader at a time.

Have a great week!

Warmly, Trace

Here are 3 ways I can help when you're ready:

1. Listen to the Podcast: Join our weekly conversations [podcast link]
2. Subscribe to This Newsletter: Get weekly insights [newsletter link]
3. The 30-Minute System Reset Session: Get Consultation [System Reset Session]  

   In just one focused session, discover how to:

   ✓ Build teams that deliver the excellence you envisioned
   ✓ Transform toxic departments into retention magnets
   ✓ Become the leader you always knew you could be
   ✓ Create environments where staff choose to stay