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Do people feel safe around you?

article Dec 05, 2020

Do people feel safe around you?


If you want to know, all you have to do is ask yourself three questions:

  1. Do people tell me everything, or do they leave things out?
  2. Do people ask me for help when they need it?
  3. Is there a sense of closeness, fun, and laughter in my presence?

Intrinsic safety is a feeling, and like all feelings, it might feel hard to get your head around it.

It's crucial to understand how to create a safe space inside you because people feel this before hearing you or any of your words. 

It doesn't matter whether you're a parent, a coach, a manager, or a doctor. We unconsciously feel each other's energy before we hear any of the words. We are listening to the words, but on a deeper level, we are really listening to the energy that is underneath them.

We're all doing a kind of energetic safety assessment, whether we're conscious of it or not.

The reason we do this is simple. We want to know whether or not the world around us is safe. We learned to do this when we were children.

Hopefully, we also learn that the outside world is not where we get our fundamental intrinsic safety. That essential skill is something we can only develop within ourselves. 

Unfortunately, intrinsic safety is a new concept for many of us because our home was not somewhere that felt safe for us, and we never learned how to create a safe space inside of ourselves. We were too busy trying to figure out how to deal with the real dangers outside of ourselves.

One of the most damaging results of a difficult family of origin is believing the myth that safety is something you can create outside of you before having it inside of you.

You can't ever have real safety outside of you until you discover how to create security inside of you, no matter how unstable the world around you might be.

This subtle truth is so important because when you don't feel safe, you will never be able to create safety in your world that lasts. 

How can you when you keep creating safety in your world on top of a lack of security within yourself?! 

You're putting your cart before your horse, and anything you do will be engineered with a subtle but profound flaw in its design.

This is why people must learn how to create a safe space within themselves. 

When people feel safe, they heal, become whole, live their best lives, and help others to do the same. They also create outer worlds that always feels fundamentally safe, regardless of circumstances, challenges, or setbacks.

It's that simple. 

Nothing else is as important as this. In fact, in my opinion, everything in our lives becomes a vehicle for healing in this way when intrinsic safety is missing for us. 

I know this personally because everything was marred for me when intrinsic safety was robbed of me as a child. 

At first, that seems terrible, but then it becomes a blessing because all those things are actually trying to tell us how to find our way to freedom.

Problems in relationships, families, and careers are all part of an energetic conversation that's talking to us about how to have real safety inside us no matter what is happening outside of us.

When human beings have intrinsic safety, they feel self-acknowledgement, appreciation, self-acceptance, and space to be who they really are. 

It doesn't matter whether you're looking at human beings trying to overcome the worst addictions and trauma or people who are trying to build the best piece of software for their customers.

When someone doesn't feel intrinsically safe, nothing they do to overcome dysfunction, trauma, abuse, or even every-day-problems will last.

They'll never really be free because they do not have the internal safety they need for those interventions to do their best work. 

Until a human being feels like they can create safety from the inside out, they will not feel like things are right within themselves or their world. 

No matter how subtle this is, they will inevitably feel like there's always something more they need to do to feel "ok".

When people know how to give themselves this gift, they feel whole, and everything in their families, communities, and career transforms. 

The human spirit is nourished and becomes aligned with a natural higher-frequency power that changes everything from the inside out.  

Mental illness, trauma, anxiety, family breakdown, PTSD, bipolar, BPD, manic depression, schizophrenia, addiction, sexual abuse, divorce all get healed in ways that medication and therapy cannot touch on their own.

Project management, team leadership, pressure, fatigue, stress, and every day-to-day problem you can think of, is navigated peacefully with ease in ways that strategy and intellect alone fail miserably to achieve.

People know how to feel safe no matter what.

When you have safety as a foundation, you can add any intervention on top of that. It becomes potent and fully utilized in the best way possible rather than just a bandaid that needs to be continuously changed.

I've also noticed that when professionals know how to create a safe space intentionally inside themselves, their work shines in ways that give them joy and gratitude. 

Why? Because their work is empowered in ways that transcend their ability alone. It's injected with a higher-power that creates what their hearts have longed to witness in their work.

People empowered to move from profound problems to freedom, joy, and overwhelming gratitude that flows when they experience their dreams finally come true.

Coaches, therapists, managers, leaders, and business owners who know how to create a safe space for themselves and their teams, get all of the things they long for naturally and effortlessly when they focus on a safe space inside themselves first.

Creating a safe space is an elegant addition that changes everything rapidly.

Engagement, productivity, transformation, responsible workforces, happy employees, high-level client care, and even financial breakthroughs occur naturally when people feel intrinsically safe. 

People you love and work with start showing up differently for themselves and for you. They have fun, you hear laughter, and you see people supporting each other. People have each other's backs. People have your back.

Still, this isn't even the best part of all of this.

The best part is that our human spirit is finally nourished in ways that we did not even know we needed. 

The long-forgotten pains in our hearts that we left behind are restored in ways that words cannot fully express.

We become whole.


Trace Hobson lives in Mission BC, Canada, and has spent the last 25 years guiding families, teams, and organizations going through high-pressure, high-stress transitions.

Trace specializes in helping people learn how to create closeness, support, and intrinsic safety.

In 2016, he left the corporate world to focus on a huge problem that he saw going on for people today: Distance and lack of intrinsic safety.

Trace facilitates the Free 5-day Safe-Space Challenge for people who want to know how to create a virtual safe-space with the people they love and that they work with that they are not physically with for one reason or another. 

He also created the Speed of Presence Virtual Safe Space Mentorship Program to mentor coaches, managers, business owners, and everyday people who want to be change-agents with their families, clients, and work.

Check out the Safe Space Challenge by Clicking Here:



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